Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
