i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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