everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
