Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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