my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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