Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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