i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
