fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
