So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
