You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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