OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
