my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
