WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
be right there i have to get my cape
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
