So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
