It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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