Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
