[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
