Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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