I got chris browned last night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
