Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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