I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We had sex on a dog bed..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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