She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
