You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
