never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
