I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
