I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
