i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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