a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
