the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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