My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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