i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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