Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
