JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
