i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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