i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
