I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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