my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
