i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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