I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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