I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
