marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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