I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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