Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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