last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please come you make the beer taste better
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
