Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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