ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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