the new term for farting is butt boxing.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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