There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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