What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
