Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
