She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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