u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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