I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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