lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
