He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
