then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
