like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
