nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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