Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize