He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
All I want is dick and wine.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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