I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
