Kiss
Puke
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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