I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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