Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
