Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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