Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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