After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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