On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
