They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
